I showed him my bush... on skype.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just want nice things and good sex
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
