i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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