idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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