and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
