Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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