Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
