if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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