I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
