i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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