Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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