absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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