my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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