Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
worst night to have a conscience
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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