Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Is it because I queefed?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
