your room smells of hookers.
And success
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
