i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
