so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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