nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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