I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
