I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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