I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I want her autograph on my taint
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
