ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
