Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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