Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
