GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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