it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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