how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
