i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She bit a glass in half.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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