OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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