it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just high enough for therapy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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