Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
