$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
