Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
