did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
