Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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