I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
