ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
