We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
