hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
