My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
