now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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