didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
