I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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