the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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