my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
