First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
