Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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