OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
