matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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