girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
