I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
