I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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