Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
