Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
