i think i have herpe
just one?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
