I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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