i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
