Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
