Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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