First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
