Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
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