are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
