How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
