no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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