We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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