if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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