My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
