tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
