my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You may now shotgun with the bride
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
