her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
