I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
