none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
