I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
