Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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