Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
