Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
