Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
