Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
