Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
