There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
