Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
