I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
