I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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