3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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