Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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