So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize