I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
