and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
