dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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