if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
