Im at strip club and am horny
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
